Thursday, June 24, 2010
That is, I would scoop it if I didn't think my editor at noladefender.com was going to post it any minute now - - - hey, Ben: post it, will you? It's not every day you come across such distinguished investigative journalism, amirite?
Here's a tease:
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
3:56 Guy across the street tells my coworker his TV and iPod got stolen from his house while he was gone. Apparently the robbers broke through one of his windows. The police are on the way, he says. It's only a matter of time before the circus begins.
4:15 The police roll up to the house.
4:26 The police question my coworker about two men he saw earlier this afternoon. MAYBE THEY WERE CASING THE JOINT, thinks my coworker.
4:47 The lady detective has gloves on and maybe a magnifying glass?
4:48 My coworker says the cops asked him for a better description of the two men he saw walking from the house's backyard earlier this afternoon:
Coworker: They were wearing, like, shirts and pants. Nothing special.
Cop: That's all you can say about them?
Coworker: I can make something up if you want.
4:49 The cops are back at our office. There are two cops standing on the porch of the guy's house. The cops decide they don't need anything else from us, because we're unhelpful fuckheads.
4:51 A third cop rolls up. This makes a total of 6 NOPD employees, three of whom are standing around in front of the guy's house.
4:52 One of the detectives is leaving. I think he hasn't noticed the neighbors smoking weed on the porch next door.
4:55 The guy whose house got broken into is chilling with the neighbors. An irrelevant but interesting side note is that this guy has the cutest dog in the world. Its name is Maurice. I'm glad Maurice wasn't stolen too.
4:57 The police are back at our office?
4:59 The other neighbor is stopping by the robber-house for some gossip. It's become a neighborhood affair. Maybe I should take this opportunity to ask the neighbor why he has a giant desk chair on his front porch.
5:00 The cops are still downstairs at my office. I can't stealthily slip away so it looks like you, dear reader, are in for another few more minutes of quality liveblogging.
5:01 The detective has finally left the building. He has a serious-looking notebook in his hand.
5:07 The detective left in his car. The Crime Lab van is still parked outside. Maybe they found the missing TV and iPod.
5:13 Show's over, kids. Sorry it wasn't more conclusive or interesting
This latest installment of "I thought graduating would put me out of my misery" is brought to you by the NYU Registrar's Office:
My health insurance provider is requiring documentation that I was a full-time student through the month of January 2010. They don't believe me or my bill-footing parents, of course, so I called up the NYU Registrar to request that such documentation be faxed to my mom, who's the primary insurance holder.
After being bounced around to various different representatives, I finally got to speak to my lovely friend Thelma. Thelma is my favorite Registrar person because we totally bonded during a three-week-long period back in February I call the Diploma Debacle:
Thelma: "We can mail you proof of degree completion within 1-8 months, Ms. Shneckers."
Me: "You mean my diploma?"
Thelma: "It may come in diploma form, yes."
Me: "So are you mailing my diploma?"
Thelma: "It depends."
Me: "On what?"
Me: "I'm sorry, what's your name?"
Me: "Thelma, this is absurd."
Thelma: [Pause] "I know."
This time, Thelma told me to fax over my request for enrollment verification in writing, which I did immediately.
I called the Registrar's Office again this morning to check that they were on the case, which of course they weren't. I explained the situation to "Jason," who assured me that he would look into the issue: