Normally these emporia scare the bojangles out of me, what with their seemingly endless aisles of useless shit to crochet, macrame, applique, and etouffer.
But today, needing to replace the red sequin trim on my Muffalotta costume, I held my breath and hoped for the best.
And what did I find among the knick-knacks and bric-a-brac at my local Jo-Ann's Fabric & Crafts? This suspicious sale notice:
Now ordinarily, something like this would not catch my eye. I've already insinuated that I don't give a flying fuck about "Home Inspirations," beyond my interest in hanging curtains so my creepy neighbor, Dennis the Menace, can't look in on me between episodes of dumping macaroni and cheese on my car or stealing his elderly mother's painkillers.
But the stipulation that this sale was exclusive to "colored only" gave me pause, especially because the "Pottery & Containers" in question were all painted white.
Such suspect advertising reveals a certain nefarious element at work within the Jo-Ann's Fabric & Crafts corporate empire, leading to any one of the following conclusions:
- The Jo-Ann's staff are unscrupulous in advertising a sale on products that do not exist, leading customers to believe they are getting a deal when in fact they are not only not getting a deal but are (along with all future generations of their descendents) being undermined by ecologically unsound paper and ink use at their local crafts store;
- The Jo-Ann's staff are actually very progressive - if a little daft in their use of the term "colored" - in that they are hosting a sale just for non-Caucasians, who inarguably have suffered plenty in the consumer and home economics spheres;
- The staff at Jo-Ann's are actually conniving racists scheming to sell products that do not exist to non-Caucasians who might be attracted to the sale while simultaneously getting kicked in the gut and wallet by a racial slur on a false advertisement; or
- Jo-Ann's is just awkward.