Friday, October 14, 2011

Kris Kiefer may make a competent judge but he will never be a competent speller

As a newly registered voter in Orleans Parish, Louisiana (which maybe means New York County will stop calling me for jury duty?), I have been the ungrateful recipient of a barrage of campaign mail in the past few weeks.

It seems everybody and their mother is running for some sort of political office, using dubious rhetoric to sell their "fairness," "family values," and in one case, "love for Jesus" to the local populace.

Yesterday I received a postcard and a booklet from Kris Kiefer, who, if he is to be believed, "learned the importance of public service at a very early age from his father, former State Senator Nat Kiefer."

Now, I've learned a lot of things from my father, but spelling was not one of them.  And here it appears that Kris Kiefer and I have a lot in common.

Indeed, Mr. Kiefer may very well make a competent judge - or as he puts it, "JUDGE OF CIVIL DISTRICT COURT DIVISION E" (whatever that is) - but if his campaign materials are a reliable indicator, he will never be a competent speller.

As pictured above, Mr. Kiefer has committed the unspeakable gaffe of confusing "whose" for "who's."  One is a possessive pronoun, the other a contraction (contextually) representing the phrase "who has."  This sort of indecent misuse of our language underlines the need for education quality reform in Orleans Parish, which hopefully is not under the jurisdiction of CIVIL DISTRICT COURT DIVISION E.

Indeed, Mr. Kiefer's so-called "impeccable credentials" certainly do not seem to extend to literacy skills, or even critical thinking:  As I'm sure good old Kris did not singlehandedly write, edit, and publish, this pamphlet, it stands to reason that he could have hired a competent writer, editor, or publisher at any point during the pamphlet-creation process, if only for the sole purpose of compensating for his own poor spelling ability.  You know, have someone look over the postcard for typos and grammatical mistakes before mailing it out to the city of New Orleans and the one shitbag who might write a blogpost about it.

[At least that's what I would have done, only I'm an excellent speller. Just ask Lara Weissman, who, in what amounted to a brutal and cutthroat battle at Dorchester Elementary in 1997, lost the 4th grade spelling bee to me.]

But back to the matter at hand.  Mr. Kiefer's lack of foresight, attention to detail, and blatant misuse of my voter registration information - What party is he anyway? How does he feel about the issues/patriarchy? - have truly lost my vote for him. Plus he used my middle name on the address sticker, and nobody but my mom is allowed to do that. Oh, you could probably ask her about the spelling bee too. She was very proud.

UPDATE: He also forgot the apostrophe between "16 years" and "experience."  Even the preposition "of" would have sufficed.  Jesus, Mr. Kiefer, you're really losing it.

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